I am stupid. I am awkward. I am a middle-aged, middle class, straight white man. I have been told I know nothing about prejudice and that I shouldn’t even try to pretend like I do. I have had my nose broken by a black kid while he was pranking me. I have been robbed (twice) by two black men. I have been assaulted by two black men while in basic training in the Navy. I have been called a racist when, in my best estimation, I wasn’t
I have been profiled and rejected. The one time I spoke out for equality of a minority group I was met with intense resistance and hatred from both the minority population and people who fit my demographic. I frequently have felt defeated. In my estimation, there is nothing I can do to overcome the differences between myself and people of color- especially those who have suffered at the hands of people that look like me or their ancestors. I hate the behaviors of people who happen to look like me have cast long shadows over our current daily experiences between people of different skin colors.
During my graduate training, I was encouraged to discuss the racial or ethnic differences between my clients and me. This has not gone well. The first time I attempted it caused the client to angrily state “I’m not afraid of you because you’re white.” I was wrong, once again.
I have had potential clients elect to work with other therapists less experienced than myself solely based upon the color of the counselor’s skin. I feel powerless.
As my car was being broken into and one thousand dollars of contents removed, I contemplated walking out with my pistol and killing the two young black men. When the police arrived, the officer indicated that if I had fired a shot I would go to prison. He said if, however, I had disabled one of them with a baseball bat and detained him that the officer would arrest him and take him without question. When I told this story at work, the radical feminist said that was an example of White Privilege- without even acknowledging the fact that I had been robbed. Again, it’s my fault and I’m stupid and entitled.
I teach a course titled Culture and Psychology in a local university. I teach about racism and the continued experiences of minority persons in America. I have had lived and worked with people of color. I have friends currently who are also people of color. I hear stories that break my heart. And still, I know nothing.
I understand the argument for White Privilege and do firmly support that it exists, at least on a micro level- that is on an everyday, interpersonal level. I have seen people be discriminated against at restaurants; I have heard people yell racist terms at someone walking down the street; I have heard people compliment a black man on how white he was. These things don’t happen to whites (except in perhaps small enclaves of urban areas). I am frustrated by this and do my best to not only not perpetuate it, but to address it when I see. Still, I am frustrated and saddened.
At the end of it, I am unsure of what to do. I have been encouraged by a close friend (a counselor of color) to not discuss differences of race or ethnicity between the client and I it unless the client brings it up. I can deal with that. I am aware of some different cultural norms and try to incorporate my knowledge into how clients present themselves and how they identify their issues.
I am frustrated by the divide that still exists and wish it didn’t.
I don’t like my deviated septum. I wish I had my stuff back. I wish I hadn’t had to fight two men early in my military career. I wish I hadn’t been openly called a racist when, in my best estimation, I am not. I am tired of being awkward and stupid. I hope that at some point, the differences between us (i.e., members of the majority and minority) will be smaller and less of a deciding factor on how we treat one another.
Until whenever that happens, I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing until something else happens to change my course a little- hopefully for the better.
JS
Therapist Speaks 