“Born under a bad sign… I’ve been down since I began to crawl” -Albert King
I have worked with a handful of clients who have concluded that bad things happen to them because of destiny, being unlucky, God hating them, being cursed, paying for transgressions from a previous life, or just simply being bad. They were easily able to provide evidence to support their position including having suffered abuse as children, experiencing premature death of loved ones, and seeming to always be the one getting into trouble (both as a child and an adult). These people were entrenched in their position and seemed to embrace and integrate it into their sense of identity. Their primary relationships were with people who had similar perceptions of themselves.
My interpretation of what they are saying is that, due to some omnipotent force beyond their control, that their life is oriented toward pain, loss, defeat, sadness, failure and ultimately suffering (or at the very least, a lack of peace, happiness, and contentment). They feel rejected by life.
This is a profound belief for a person to have of themselves.
Often, these people have not been treated with the dignity and respect that they, along with all people, deserve and thus I explicitly incorporate it into my treatment plan for them. The effective use of empathy and a consistent application of unconditional positive regard is critical. I see myself as serving as a liaison between them and humanity through offering a corrective experience with someone who cares for them. I listen to their stories and apologize for past hurts they have endured. I identify and celebrate their strengths. I offer them comfort and support. We find commonalities in our lives. We laugh. A lot.
In stark contrast to these individuals’ appraisals of themselves, I find them to be incredibly inspirational. They have endured a great deal of heartache and pain and have somehow survived. Their strength and tenacity are enviable. I am honored to be a part of their recovery/ journey.
JS
Therapist Speaks 